Comparison is the thief of JOY

Yeah, I think Instagram was the death of blogging for me.  Anyone else?  I have to admit, Instagram can be quite addicting.  I never got into the Pinterest crave… sure, I enjoy it here and there.  Find recipes, dream kitchens, and a holiday idea or two, but nothing over the top.  I don't have thousands upon thousands of pins.  If I did, I'd probably hate my house, think the valentine's gifts I made for twelve 2-year olds suck, want to bake sprinkle covered cookies all day while only accomplishing day 1 of the 30-day ab workouts.  (A little dramatic? I think not.)

So Instagram for the win.  I can post quickly throughout my day, document kid stuff, shop for things that would take you 50 garage sales to find, find support, network, grow a business, etc… It seems like such a win, win.  At least it did for awhile.  Not so much now.  It's still offers all those things.  But, for me, it leaves me more discontent, rather than feeling joyful. So this quote that I used to overlook- suddenly means something to me. 

                                                                                                  source: modifyink.com

                                                                                                 source: modifyink.com

I have seen this quote everywhere lately.  It didn't grab me at first because I didn't think I could relate.  I am not a jealous person.  Not a struggle for me.  I don't look at neighborhoods and wish I lived there.  I don't want my husband to have your husband's job.  I don't care if my house isn't as clean as my neighbor's.  I didn't find myself jealous so therefore I concluded I don't compare. Do you compare? Do you realize you are comparing?  Because I realized I actually do. Or maybe by seeing everyone's else's life or business, I feel the need to step up my game when maybe my game is just fine.  And in return, I was adding unnecessary pressure.  As I followed more people, specifically women-led businesses on instagram, I started realizing I was suddenly stressed after browsing through my feed, felt unsettled in wife mode versus mother mode versus business mode. I was comparing. I was comparing to moms who worked from home creating businesses that started much like mine.  They had growing, hand-made businesses with professional photos, advertising, networking and sales.  I was suddenly overwhelmed and stepped back to realize it was my own brain creating unneeded expectations and pressure to do more. But not from my hard-working, supportive husband.  Not from my kids.  Not from my family and friends.  Just me.  And my newsfeed.  

So I let it go.  I refocused on why I make my dolls.  And that's because I love it most days and it's a way to help our family continue to follow our dream, which I am thankful for.  A big part of our dream right now involves growing our family from 4 to 5 through adoption. I adore being a mom.  And it's prime time to be a mom.  I mean, seriously.  I have a 5 year old and 2 year old.  After we adopt, will I continue to make dolls?  Probably.  When my kids are older will I adventure down the business side of the street more.  Probably.  But there's no pressure anymore to have it all figure out. 

And for Instagram. We are still friends.  I love the friends, strangers, businesses, and stores I follow.  But I don't spend much time browsing my feed.  It's kind of like sodas.  If I keep them in the fridge and know I can have one anytime I want- I actually drink them less, but still treat myself here and there.  If I did away with them completely and said I was never drinking sodas again- I'd crave them all the time and I'd find myself pulling up to Sonic every afternoon pushing that glorious red button.  

Plus I like seeing my little sister's amazing and quirky photos too much- like these! Isn't she a beauty? 

So I guess this is welcome back to blogging for me.  Should I have started with something lighter? Nah. You know the answer to that now.  This is me.  My thoughts.  And I like to try and keep it real. Oh.  And you'll probably hear a lot of adoption talk because half my heart is in China right now waiting for Mae to come home.