Her first.

The other day I was in a rush and quickly pulled into my driveway and under my carport noticed a package.  A package?! I loooovvveee packages! Mainly because I love surprises and considering I always forget when I order off Amazon, it's always a fun surprise.  I grabbed the box and jumped back in the car.  But then I noticed no 'Amazon Prime' tape.  I took a better look and noticed it truly was a surprise! A friend I have made a connection with through MaeBeSew sent it.  My initial thought was "Is she mailing back a doll she's ordered?"  Like anyone who loves surprises, I decided I could be late and opened the box.  

And then the tears came.  I cried.  And cried. 

Lola was super curious and concerned by this point and wanted clarification if I was happy crying or sad crying.  I guess both.  

I carefully pulled out a lovely handmade quilt tied in a bow with a very sweet and encouraging note from someone who gets "it." The quilt was for my Mae.  The heaviness of this moment will never leave me.  

You all.  

This is her first item... EVER.  

All hers.  Made just for her.  She's there.  We are here.  She's waiting.  And so are we.  But our gain, is born from her loss.  Something that weighs heavy on me heart.   

Lola understood it too.  Our social worker has had great, age-appropriate conversations with Lola on what Mae's life might look like right now and how she, as a big sister, can show her love.  It was a sweet moment for Lola and I to connect.  We were both proud of Mae's new quilt. Her first of many items just for her.   

Mae's new quilt felt like love in a box offered to me and Mae.  Becky (the gifter) was speaking my love language right when I needed it.  The love I felt from that, she'll never know.  There was magic in that moment for someone else to encompass her presence.  And for me to hold the quilt, felt like the closest I could get to Mae.  In fact, the quilt is in my work room and I often find myself using it.  It's my little bit of Mae.    

Sometimes it's in the little moments, sometimes it's in the big moments, but this time it was in the stitching. Thank you Becky.